Happy Birthday to Meeee!!!

Reflecting tonight, sometimes I don't know why but sometimes I just get in the mood, Maybe it is my birthday tomorrow but maybe it is just my feelings and how I feel today. I often think just not out loud or even on paper. I spend most of my time with myself as my husband is addicted to anything but me. It used to bother me and now I have found people and things to fill the time and void that I often feel, but really that isn't what I was thinking about first so lets start there....
Remember when you were 18 young and completely dumb, Really I think I did think I knew everything and everything would always work out. I don't believe that now. Now I know it is up to me to make sure that it works out and it has been a hard long road of learning and loving and failures and things I have completely gotten wrong....But sometimes it was fun and then sometimes it was just plain ridiculous that I would even think that would work.... Starting with my first marriage. I loved him he loved me but we were completely toxic to one another. Completely TOXIC. Some thing about us now, still toxic just smaller doses of one another and we can manage that. I think it is because I was raised by a strong willed mother and he thinks he should always be right...Still thinks that to this day... Always made me feel inferior...and well my parents put me up on a pedestal and made me think I was the queen...
I remember 18 just like it was yesterday screwing around missing school or really skipping school with my friends and playing just like I wanted. I miss those days and I miss those friends. Somewhere along the way I lost them and lost really who I was as a person. Funny thing, I don't think I resemble that girl one bit, and I am OK with that. I struggle wondering if I made the right choice but I love my babies and I wouldn't change it for anything. I am OK with me and that is what really is important. Learning to improve and improving through learning. That is my goal. Not to be the most important person I know or making the most money. Just making me the best and having fun along the way. I don't want a high pressure job anymore. I wanna fish, camp or just go on a walk and just smile.
Having babies at such a young age finding someone who will love you and really let you be you, All learning experiences! I had man friends here and there and always such a magnet to such creepy assholes that really were just in between and thought I might just be good idea I don't know, I hate to think of myself as such a person. And then there is my Chad... Good time Charlie. He says he wasn't looking for a wife or anything of the such but boy o boy he sure has stuck around alot longer than the rest. I know he's funny and loves to see me laugh. That is my biggest attraction to him and keeps us happy. But he is driving me crazy with the video games. Gets home... First thing is to see who is online to play, then gets himself ready for a night of screaming and yelling and playing with his friends while the children and I sit in the bedroom or at the computer to fill our time. There is no family time unless we "all go fishing" we hate to tell ya Charlie but the children hate fishing and I am hating him for that  being the only activity there is for us to do as a family. He has become self centered and I need to find a way to remove that from our life because the rest of us are suffering. Well enough crapping on everyone but here we are at Who you'd be today

IT JUST ISN'T FAIR SOMETIMES!

THINGS THAT HAPPEN, HAPPEN FOR A REASON!

The Weddin

After a long weekend, it has finally come to a close. I love my family but boy o boy I am tired. My sister Paula and her new love Michael stayed with us. It was a great visit actually and the kids made everyone crazy. Chad of course loved the fishing he was allowed to do all weekend and made us miserable with the smell of fish. Even though Chad did get outfished he really enjoyed Mikes company. He didn't talk much and drive him crazy, which anyone that knows Chad, knows he is not a big fan of talking while fishing unless they are reeling them in!

This visit just made me realize more and more how much I really miss my sister, It is funny how relaxing it is just to spend a day with someone and have them love you as exactly as you are. Know your quirks and laughs at you when you fall in the water or run around all day in high heals and trip continuously! Now that is funny shit.
I did however spend the day with the rest of my family, I figured I needed to avert my attention other ways since I was a balling baby after my my sister left and it left me in a tad bit of depression. My brother and his wife and family were at my sisters Patty house spending the day so we sat out side shitting the bull and watching the kids play in the yard. It was a great visit, amazingly funny stories come out of my brothers mouth when he has been drinking and he sure did have stories to tell.
The greatest part of the weekend is the new addition, She is a mix, Westie-Schnauzer...She is currently curled up loving up on her dad, It is amazing how attached Chad gets to animals! We haven't named her just yet... can't decide for certain. But for now she is going by Mufasa and CatDog! Chloe thinks she is her dog and her dad is agreeing! We will see!

The June sunshine and all the darn mosquitoes.

As much as I love to say, I have enjoyed the last two weeks. The kids not as much but they will get over it. I have been forced by Chad to go fishing more than I would want but the great thing is... I have actually caught fish and have been loving it. We spent Monday afternoon at Mississenewa Reservoir. It is such a fast moving place and it is extremely scary for me to look after the kids but I ended up relaxing for a few and getting a couple of fish brought to shore.
Last weekend,  we ended up fishing here in town. I hate fishing over at the hospital pond but that is his favorite place and after the tantrum he threw I said screw it and lets go and get ate up by the crazy mosquitoes. The crazy creatures are out in full force this year. I haven't been bite like that for years. I hate scratching. I almost hate it as much as throwing up! And I don't throw up unless it is absolutely necessary. I will hold it in! Enough with the vomit. So I kicked his butt and ended up catching a rainbow trout and some great big blue gill. Not my favorite fish to catch, but they are OK. Chloe was so excited she keep petting the fish even after their inevitable death!

So summer school is starting to piss me off. Chris hates getting up in the morning. It is literally like pulling teeth. He screams, kicks, cusses and just gets down right dirty until I get him down the road and off to school. It upsets Chad how Chris treats me in the morning, but me not being a morning person understand. I hate getting up and if I could I would kick and cuss and get down right nasty every morning. But they don't understand the philosophy. I hate that school starts at 8 am even in the summer. Isn't that the time we are supposed to be sleeping in? But no... Chris hates me for it! But I still love him! 

Haley is starting a new adventure and learning to play an instrument in the school band. She wants to play the flute and then the next minute it is the clarinet. oh wait lets just see what mom doesn't have and I will choose that one! Good luck Haley. Your dads are cheap and they already bought you one and that is the one that will forever be yours!

This weekend will prove to be exciting. Chloe will be in the parade for the round barn festival. She was one of the top readers and gets to be one of four children from her school. We love the festival and the parade. The kids love the candy, I love seeing all the people. Rochester really puts on a good show, too bad the rest of the time the crazys are running loose.

Well I hope that everyone learns something new this week, whether it be good or bad!